Walking through a shopping mall, a girl noticed an old lady following her around. She ignored her for a while, but when she got to the checkout line, she got in front of her.

Pardon me, she said. I’m sorry if I’ve been staring, but you look just like my daughter who died recently.

I’m sorry for your loss, the girl replied. Is there anything I can do for you?

Well, as I’m leaving, could you just say Goodbye, mother!? It would make me feel so much better. She gave her a sweet smile.

Of course I can, the girl promised.

As she gathered her bags and left, she called out Goodbye, mother! just as she had requested, feeling good about her smile.

Stepping up to the counter, she saw that her total was about $500 higher than it should be. That amount is wrong, she said. I only have a few items!

Oh, your mother said that you would pay for her, explained the clerk.

Wow this guy is damn good in smoking

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, And what starting salary were you looking for?

The Engineer said, In the neighborhood of $150,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.

The interviewer said, Well, what would you say to a package of 10 weeks vacation, 20 paid holidays, full medical and dental, a company matching retirement fund for 70% of your salary, and a company car leased every 2 years-say, a red Corvette?”

The Engineer sat up straight and said, Wow! Are you kidding?

And the interviewer replied, Yeah, but you started it

There was a blonde and a brunette in an elevator. On their way down, they stop to pick up another person also on their way down. When the person got on, the girls noticed that he was pretty cute.

Unfortunately he had dandruff. Finally, on the way off of the elevator the two girls let the guy go ahead of them. The brunette turns to the blonde and says Oh my god! We need to give him Head and Shoulders.

The blonde then replies That’s a pretty good idea, but how are we going to give him shoulders?

While your boss is at lunch, you sneek in and look at some confidential information on his computer. You spill coffee on the keyboard. It shorts out.

A woman comes into the store, you turn to the other salesman and say, I waited on the last fat ugly old lady. This one’s your turn. Your boss was standing behind you. It’s his wife.

You take a sick day. The next morning the boss asks you, So, how was the fishing on Rock Creek yesterday?

You return from a week’s vacation to find that you had scheduled this week as vacation, not last week.