A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman Give me six double vodkas. The barman says Wow! you must have had one hell of a day. Yes, I’ve just found out my older brother is gay.

The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, I’ve just found out that my younger brother is gay too!

On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said Jesus! Doesn’t anybody in your family like women?

Yeah, my wife…

QUIZ. What’s a man’s idea of helping with the housework?

ANS. Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.

Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?

Because they don’t have balls to scratch.

A new bride was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time. He responded, “Sure. You carry the suitcases!”

A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing. The police arrive and ask for a description. She tells them he’s 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him. The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police, “You can’t believe her. He’s 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face.” The neighbor then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report. She replies, “Just because I reported him missing, doesn’t mean I wanted him back!”