What do you do? a young man asked the beautiful girl he was dancing with.

I’m a nurse.

I wish I could be ill and let you nurse me, he whispered in her ear.

That would be miraculous, I work on the maternity ward!

Mother: I want to take my girl our of this terrible math class.

Teacher: But she’s top of the class.

Mother: That’s why I think it must be a terrible class.

Teacher: I’d like you to be very quiet today, girls. I’ve got a dreadful headache.

Jane: Please, Miss ! why don’t you do what mum does when she has a headache?

Teacher: What’s that?

Jane: She sends us out to play!

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline!

Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest Stamps?

They had pictures of lawyers on them and people couldn’t figure out which side to spit on.