Bang
Q: What do blondes and screen doors both have in common?
A: The harder you bang them the looser they get.
Q: What do blondes and screen doors both have in common?
A: The harder you bang them the looser they get.
A plane takes off from London Airport. After it reaches a cruising altitude, Captain James makes an announcement over the intercom.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to flight 367, he says. The weather ahead looks clear, so sit back, relax and OH MY GOD!
The intercom falls silent.
A minute later, Capt. James comes back on the intercom. I’m so sorry for scaring you all earlier, he says.
But while I was talking, an attendant spilled a boiling cup of coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!
‘That’s nothing, a passenger shouted. You should see the back of mine!
Russian President Putin called President Bush with an emergency, Our largest condom factory has exploded, the Russian President cried. My people’s favorite form of birth control. This is a true disaster!
Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you, replied the President. I do need your help, said Putin. Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms asap to tide us over? Why certainly! I’ll get right on it, said Bush. Oh, and one more small favor, please? said Putin.
Yes? Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10′ long and 4′ in diameter? said Putin. No problem, replied the President and, with that, George Dubya hung up and called the President of Freecondoms.com. I need a favor, you’ve got to send 1,000,000 condoms right away over to Russia. Consider it done, said the President of Freecondoms.com. Great Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10′ long and 4′ wide. Easily done. Anything else? Yeah, said the President, print MADE IN AMERICA, SIZE SMALL on each one.
Q: What is the difference between the Titanic and President Clinton?
A: With the Titanic we know how many people went down.