A man bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.

After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles.

She did, he replied. But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?

Michael: What kind of Christmas did you have?

Jim: Oh, the same as last year, half hour eating turkey, mince pies and Christmas pudding, followed by 2 days in bed recovering.

As a little boy climbed onto Santa’s lap, Santa asked the usual, And what would you like for Christmas?

The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped Didn’t you get my E-mail?

Mummy, here’s your Christmas present. A box of your favorite chocolates.

Thanks, but the box is half empty?

Well, they’re my favorite chocolates too.

Two men were in a clinical laboratory. One of them was moaning badly, the second man asked him the reason why he was whining so badly.

The first man replied, I had come for a blood test and they cut a part of my finger.

The second man replied with a great amount of fright, Oh no! I have come for a urine test!