A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor.
The doctor asked her what had had happened to her ears?
I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear.
Oh Dear! the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. But what happened to your other ear?
The son of a bitch called back.
A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight! Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet.
Upon finding only five dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said, Why did you put up such a fight?
To which the man promptly replied I was afraid that you would find the $500 hidden in my socks!
After she woke up, a woman told her husband, I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s day. What do you think it means?”
You’ll know tonight, he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.
Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled, The Meaning of Dreams
One morning a mother was trying to wake up her son.
Wake up now! It’s time to go to school.
I don’t want to go to school, the son replied.
His mother said, Ok give me two reasons why you don’t want to go to school.
Ok. One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me.
Not good enough, the mother replied.
Fine, the son said. Then you give me two good reasons why I should go to school.
One, you’re 40 years old.
Two, you’re the principal of the school.
A young banker decided to get his first tailor made suit. So he went to the finest tailor in town and got measured for a suit. A week later he went in for his first fitting. He put on the suit and he looked stunning, he felt that in this suit he can do business.
As he was preening himself in front of the mirror he reached down to put his hands in the pockets and to his surprise he noticed that there were no pockets. He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, “Didn’t you tell me you were a banker?”
The young man answered, Yes, I did.
To this the tailor said, Who ever heard of a banker with his hands in his own pockets?
