A substitute teacher walks into the classroom on the blackboard she sees a message. It says, Jimmii Poole, has got the biggest tool, in the whole damn class

She yells, Who the hell is Jimmy Poole?

This kid in the back stands up and says, I’m Jimmy Poole.

Well, Jimmii, your staying after school!

Next day when the teacher walks in, she looks up at the blackboard where written, Pays to Advertise

1st man: My wife suggested that I take up a new sport this summer.

2nd man: Well, that’s nice. It shows that she has your interests at heart. Did she make any suggestions?

1st man: As a matter of fact, she did. By the way, how do you play this Russian Roulette?

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde lady comes in and wants to bet $5,000 on a single roll of the dice. And she adds, I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I m completely nude.

With that she takes off everything but her necklace and rolls the dice while yelling, Mama needs new clothes. Then she yells, YES, YES, YES! I WON, I WON, I WON!

She begins jumping up and down and hugging both of the dealers. Then she picks up her money and her clothes and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asks, What did she roll, anyway?

The other answers, I don’t know. I thought you were watching.

An idiot decides to start up a chicken farm, so he buys a thousand chickens to get up and running.

A week later he returns to the dealer to get another thousand chickens because the first lot had died.

Another week passes and he’s back at the dealers for another thousand chickens, I think I know where I’m going wrong he tells the dealer, I think I’m planting them too deep.

An old couple go to the doctor. The old man goes first to have his physical. When the doctor is done with him, he sends the old man back into the waiting room and calls the old woman in.

The doctor tells her, Before we proceed with the examination, I would like to talk to you about your husband first.

The old woman says, Oh, no, it’s his heart. I told him to lay off the eggs.

The doctor says, Well, I asked your husband how he is feeling and he told me he felt great. He said that when he got up to go to the bathroom, he opened the door and a genie turned the light on for him. When he was done, he would shut the door and the genie would turn the light out for him.

The old woman responded, Damn it, he’s peeing in the fridge again!