Doctor, my wife just swallowed a whole bottle of Aspirin! What should I do?

Wake her up and give her a headache

A man and a woman are on an elevator at the top of the world’s tallest building, when all of a sudden, the cable snaps and the elevator starts plummeting to the ground.

The emergency brakes don’t work, the emergency phone doesn’t work, and they both begin to panic.

The woman screams, We’re going to die!, rips of all her clothes, throws herself on the floor and says to the man make me feel like a woman again!

So, he pulls off his jacket, throws it on the floor, and says pick that up, bitch

Three women were teeing off to the first hole of their golf game. The forth woman hit a terrific slice and it zoomed off to the next fairway and hit a guy. He clasped his hands to his crotch and fell down in pain.

The woman ran over to him and taking his hands and placing them to his side said, I’m a physical therapist and I can help you.

She then proceeded to open up his pants and began to massage his private parts therein. After a few minutes she said, There! Doesn’t that feel better?

The guy said, Yeah that does feel good. But my thumb still hurts like hell

It was so cold out the today that I saw a lawyer walking down the street with his hands in his own pockets.

What did the blonde mom say after giving a birth?

Is it mine?