Teacher: That should be enough homework to keep you busy.

Tony: Yea but i think that should be enough homework to keep the Chinese Army busy.

A boy went to a brain store to get some brain to pass an annual exam. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offered at this particular brain store.

He begins to question the salesman about the cost of these brains.

How much does it cost for architect brain?

$10 an ounce.

How much does it cost for IT professional brain?

$15 an ounce.

How much for lawyer brain?

$500 an ounce.

Why is lawyer brain so much more?

Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?

Quiz: Why do blondes look up and smile at lightning?

Ans: They think someone is taking their picture.

A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess. He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week. The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.

The frog then cried out, If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, that I’ll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?

The guy said, Look, I’m a computer programmer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool.

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.

He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, Can I help you?

The man said, Yeah, I’ve come to activate your phone lines.