Are you sure it’s mine?

The cop says, What the hell is going on here?

The girl says, This is my date. When I told him I wouldn’t spend the night with him, he started pouring down the booze. Now, he’s too drunk to drive me home, so I’m trying to sober him up by making him puke.

The cop says, That’s not gonna make him puke.

She says, Yeah? Wait till I put this finger in his mouth.

There’s a beautiful lady sitting at the bar, and they sit and have a drink together. She leans over and says, I need you to make me feel like a real woman.

So the guy takes off his black jacket and says, I need this ironed.

Let me tell you a story, said the doctor. An absent minded fellow went hunting, but instead of a gun, he picked up an umbrella. Suddenly a tiger charged toward him. Pointing his umbrella at the tiger, he shot and killed the animal on the spot.

Impossible! exclaimed the old man. Somebody must have shot from the side!

Exactly, replied the doctor.

A bus pulled up and the driver opened the door, she tried to step up onto the step but her skirt was too tight.

So she reached back to unzip and loosen it a little. she tried to step up onto the steps again.

But it was still to tight. She reached back and unzipped some more.

And she still couldn,t get up onto the bus.

So this man behind her reaches and grabs her by the butt.

He gives her a boost onto the bus.

She turns around and slaps him and saying What do you think you are doing.

Well the man says Well lady after you unzipped my pants for the second time I thought we was acquainted

The father said, that’s what I’m here for my son.

So the fellow said, father I had intercourse 4 times last night, the father said that all right my son, your married aren’t you?

The fellow said, hell no, I am not even Catholic but I wanted to tell my experience somebody!

A company takes out a newspaper advertisement claiming to be able to supply imported hardcore pornographic videos. As their prices seem reasonable, people place orders and make payments via check.

After several weeks, the company writes back explaining that under the present law they are unable to supply the materials and do not wish to be prosecuted. So they return their customers’ money in the form of a company check.

However, due to the name of the company, only few people will present these checks to their banks.

The name of the company The Anal Sex and Fetish Perversion Company.

However, a little voice in his head said lots of other doctors also have sex with their patients so you’re not the first

This made the doctor feel a little bit better until still another voice in his head said, but they probably weren’t veterinarians?

The brunette bends down for a closer look, and states, very matter of fact, It looks like sperm.

The redhead stoops down a little closer, takes a deep breath through her nose, and proclaims, Yes, and it smells like sperm.

The blonde stoops down yet closer, puts the tip of her finger into the puddle, touches it to her tongue and exclaims, Well, it’s nobody from our building!

A woman comes on stage and starts stripping. The guy in back, James, says, Oh yeah, Oh yeah!

Then the first guy turns around and says, Hey James, shut up!

Then two women come out and start stripping. James, once again, starts, Yeah baby… ummm… oh yeah!

Once again the guy in front turns around and tells James to be quiet.

So three women come out and start stripping. James is silent.

The guy in front says, Hey James, where’s all your excitement now?

James says, All over your back!