A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman Give me six double vodkas. The barman says Wow! you must have had one hell of a day. Yes, I’ve just found out my older brother is gay.

The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, I’ve just found out that my younger brother is gay too!

On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said Jesus! Doesn’t anybody in your family like women?

Yeah, my wife…

Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?

Because they don’t have balls to scratch.

Q: Why do blondes have square boobs?

A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

A man walks into a bar and he’s really pissed. The bartender gives him a drink and asks what the problem is. All he says is, “All lawyers are assholes.” A man sitting in the corner shouts, “I take offense to that!”

The pissed-off guy asks him, “Why? Are you a lawyer?”

He replies, “No, I’m an asshole.”

Son on his honeymoon phoned his mom asking what to do.

MOM: Put your biggest thing on her hairiest thing.

SON: got my nose in her armpit. Now what?