Haha Joking! » Clean Jokes

Wrong Bus!

joker — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 02:44:32 +0000

A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman.

She looks the man up and down and says, I’ve got news for you. You’re going straight to hell!

The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, Man, I’m on the wrong bus!

Boss in Good Mood

joker — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 02:44:32 +0000

The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up.

Everybody, but one girl laughed uproariously.

What’s the matter? grumbled the boss. Haven’t you got a sense of humor?

I don’t have to laugh, she replied. I’m leaving Friday.

Trusted Employee

joker — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 02:44:32 +0000

A wealthy investor walked into a bank and said to the bank manager, I would like to speak with Mr. John Smith, who I understand is a tried and trusted employee of yours.

The banker said, Yes he certainly was trusted. And he will be tried as soon as we catch him.

Words before auto accident

joker — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 02:44:32 +0000

The U.S. Government decided to take an experiment to see what people say right before they get into an auto accident.

82% of the people in 49 states said: Oh, shit!

In Texas 97% said: Hold my beer. Watch this!

Pollution & Solution

joker — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 02:50:29 +0000

Quiz: What do you call one lawyer thrown off a bridge into a river?
Ans: Pollution.

Quiz: What do you call all the lawyers thrown off a bridge?
Ans: Solution

Guess where!

joker — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 01:37:51 +0000

A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies. This was his first time approaching a runway at night

Instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said Guess who?

The controller switched the runway lights off and replied Guess where!

Bonus Announcement

joker — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 01:37:51 +0000

Faced with hard times, a company offered a bonus of two thousand dollars to any employee who could come up with a way of saving money.

The bonus went to a young woman in accounting who suggested limiting future bonuses to fifty dollars.

Eating Problem

joker — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 01:37:51 +0000

A man walks into a doctor’s office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.

What’s the matter with me? he asks the doctor.

The doctor replies, You’re not eating properly.

Computer Skills

joker — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 01:35:51 +0000

A man decided to improve his computer skills, and threw myself into it with enthusiasm. Every week he would check out five or six instructional books from the library.

After about a month the librarian commented, Wow! You must really be getting knowledgeable by now.

Thanks, he said. How can you tell?

The librarian explained, Only two of the books you’re checking out this week have FOR DUMMIES in their titles.

Lawyer and Valentine Cards

joker — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 23:29:40 +0000

A guy walks into post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing Love stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, I’m sending out 500 Valentine cards signed, Guess who?

But why? asks the man.

I’m a divorce lawyer, the man replies.