Sherlock Holmes and Matthew Watson were on a camping and hiking trip. They had gone to bed and were lying there looking up at the sky.

Holmes said, Watson, look up. What do you see?

Well, I see thousands of stars. And what does that mean to you?

Well, I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. What does it mean to you, Holmes?

To me, it means someone has stolen our tent.

One day, a genie appeared and rounded up 100 ugly people and gave them each one wish, and one only.

The first one, said exitedly Make Me beautiful The genie clicked his fingers and the ugly person turned beautiful.

The second person said Make me beautiful and, again, the genie clicked his fingers and that person turned beautiful.

This was a long process for the genie and the people in the queue, All of these ugly people asked to be beautiful, and so they were.

It was the 100th persons turn to make a wish, and in between continuous fits of laughter, he said Make em all ugly again!

A man said to his wife one day, I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.

The wife responded, Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me, God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

Cash, check or charge? I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet

I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

So, do you always carry your TV remote? I asked.

NO, she replied, but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him.

In a small Southern town there was a Nativity Scene that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen’s helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left.

At a Quick Stop on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, You Yankees never do read the Bible! I assured her that I did, but simply couldn’t recall anything about firemen in the Bible.

She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said, See, it says right here, The 3 wise men came from afar.