1. When filling out your driver’s license application you give your IP address.

2. You no longer ask prospective dates what their sign is, instead your line is “Hi, what’s your URL?”

3. Instead of calling you to dinner, your spouse sends e-mail.

4. You’re amazed to find out spam is a food.

5. You search the Net endlessly hoping to win every silly free T-shirt contest.

6. You introduce your wife as “mylady@house.wife” and refer to your children as “client applications”.

7. At social functions you introduce your husband as “my domain server”.

Whats dumb? Instructions on toilet paper.

Whats dumber than that? reading them.

Whats even dumber? Reading them and learning something.

Dumbest of all? Reading them and having to correct something you’ve been doing wrong.

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. “Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.” The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.

He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: “Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die.” The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.

“Where are you?” the man asked. “Who are you?”

I am your guardian angel, the voice answered.

“Oh yeah?” the man asked. And where the hell were you when I got married?

A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing. The police arrive and ask for a description. She tells them he’s 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him. The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police, “You can’t believe her. He’s 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face.” The neighbor then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report. She replies, “Just because I reported him missing, doesn’t mean I wanted him back!”

What do you do? a young man asked the beautiful girl he was dancing with.

I’m a nurse.

I wish I could be ill and let you nurse me, he whispered in her ear.

That would be miraculous, I work on the maternity ward!