Airplane passengers watch nervously as two men wearing pilots uniforms and dark glasses use canes to feel their way into the cockpit.

The plane starts barreling down the runway, and the passengers begin to get scared as the water at the end of the airstrip nears. With only a few yards left, everyone screams, but the plane lifts off just in time.

The passengers think it was all a joke, while in the cockpit, the pilots high-five.

You know, says one pilot to the other, one day they’re gonna scream too late, and we’re all gonna die.

A Russian blonde keeps having the same weird dream, so she goes to her psychologist.

Psychologist: What is your dream about?

Blonde: I am being chased by a vampire

Psychologist: So, where are you in this dream?

Blonde: I am running in a hallway.

Psychologist: Then what happens?

Blonde: Well, that’s the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happens. I always come to a door, but I can’t open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it won’t budge!

Psychologist: Does the door have any letters on it?

Blonde: Yes.

Psychologist: And what do these letter spell?

Blonde: PULL

A man limped into a hospital to have his foot X-rayed, and was asked to wait for the results.

Some time later an orderly appeared and handed the man a large pill.

Just then a mother with a small child in need of immediate attention entered. After the orderly disappeared with the new patient, the man hobbled over to get a glass of water, swallow the pill, and sat down to wait. Some time later the orderly reappeared carrying a bucket of water.

Okay, he said, Let’s drop the pill in this bucket and soak your foot for a while.

John called his doctor’s office for an appointment.

I’m sorry, said the receptionist, We can’t fit you in for at least two weeks.

But I could be dead by then!

No problem. If your wife lets us know, we’ll cancel the appointment.

A fellow was asked if there were any good doctors is his home town. Good doctors!, he exclaimed. We have the best doctors in the world. Dr. George is one good doctor; he’s great; he saved my life.

You don’t say! How was that?

I was very sick and called Dr. James. He gave me some medicine and I got very, very ill. I then called Dr. Martin, He gave me more medicine. I got worse, I thought I was going to die.

Then I called Dr. George. He had no time to come. He saved my life.