There was a man who would come home blind drunk every night and vomit in the bathroom sink, and every night the man’s wife would warn him that someday he would puke up his guts.

One day the wife cut up a chicken and left the guts in the sink, just to give him a scare.

At about 2 a.m. the man came home and spewed in the same sink as always. About 15 minutes later, the man came out of the bathroom and said to his wife.

You were right honey, I really did puke up my guts, but don’t worry, with the help of this long wooden spoon, I managed to put them all back.

One day a school teacher was greeting his new class. He stood up in front of the class and asked if anyone in the class was a moron, and if they were, they should stand.

After a minute a boy stood up.

The teacher then asked the kid if he actually thought he was a moron.

The kid replied, No, I just didn’t want to see you standing there all by yourself

There were 2 blondes, a Russian and an American blonde.

We went to space first said the Russian blonde.

Well we went to the moon first said the American blonde.

We are gonna be the first to go to the sun said the Russian.

How are you gonna do that? said the American.

We have it all planned out. We are going at night time!

A man requested a blonde painter to paint him in the nude.

No the talented blonde artist said. I don’t do that sort of thing.

I’ll increase your fee three times, he said.

“No, no thanks!!”

I’ll give ten times as much as you normally get.

Okay, said the artist, But you have to let me at least wear my socks. I need somewhere to place my brushes.

A car full of politicians was traveling down a country road when, all of a sudden, the car ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer’s field.

The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury all the politicians.

A few days later the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed car, and asked the farmer where all the politicians had gone.

The old farmer said he had buried them. The sheriff then asked the old farmer, Were they all dead?

The old farmer replied, Well, some of them said they weren’t, but you know its hard to trust the politicians!