A husband desperate to end an argument offers to buy is wife a new diamond ring. She curtly declines his offer by saying, That’s not quite what I had in mind.

Frantically he offers her a new house. Again she rejects his offer, That’s not quite what I had in mind.

Curious, he asks What did you have in mind?

She retorts, I’d like a divorce.

He answers, I hadn’t planned on spending quite that much.

1st man: My wife suggested that I take up a new sport this summer.

2nd man: Well, that’s nice. It shows that she has your interests at heart. Did she make any suggestions?

1st man: As a matter of fact, she did. By the way, how do you play this Russian Roulette?

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde lady comes in and wants to bet $5,000 on a single roll of the dice. And she adds, I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I m completely nude.

With that she takes off everything but her necklace and rolls the dice while yelling, Mama needs new clothes. Then she yells, YES, YES, YES! I WON, I WON, I WON!

She begins jumping up and down and hugging both of the dealers. Then she picks up her money and her clothes and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asks, What did she roll, anyway?

The other answers, I don’t know. I thought you were watching.

An idiot decides to start up a chicken farm, so he buys a thousand chickens to get up and running.

A week later he returns to the dealer to get another thousand chickens because the first lot had died.

Another week passes and he’s back at the dealers for another thousand chickens, I think I know where I’m going wrong he tells the dealer, I think I’m planting them too deep.

There are two blondes and a redhead on an island. One of the blondes finds a bottle and a genie pops out. The genie says he will grant them one wish each

The first blonde says, I need to get off this island, I wish for a rowboat. With a flash, a rowboat appears and she rushes out into the ocean.

The second blonde says, I need to get off this island, I need jet ski. With a flash, a jet ski appears and she rushes out into the ocean, soon overtaking the first blonde.

The genie looks enquiringly toward the redhead, who with raised eyebrows, smiles and says, Just give me a million dollars, I’ll take the bridge.