A life long supporter of the labour party was lying on his death bed when he suddenly decided to join the Tory party.

But why? asked his puzzled wife, You’re labour through and through… Why change now?

The man leaned forward and explained, Well, I’d rather it was one of them that died and not one of us.

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of cows, goats, and pigs.

The husband asked sarcastically, Relatives of yours?

Yup, the wife replied, in-laws.

A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to a Scotsman on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives.

Last night I made love to my wife four times, the Frenchman bragged, and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored me.

Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times, the Italian responded, and this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never love another man.

When the Scotsman remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, And how many times did you make love to your wife last night? Once, he replied. Only once? the Italian arrogantly snorted. And what did she say to you this morning?

Don’t stop.

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day 20,000 to a man’s 10,000

The wife replied, The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, What?

There was this blonde she went into walmart and ask a person if she could buy this T.V he said no because you are a blonde.

So she dyed her hair black and went and asked again he said because you are a blonde

She dyed her hair red and went back ask the same question and got the same answer, she yelled GOD DAMMIT why cant i buy this T.V i had to dye my hair 2 times.

His answered was that aint a T.V thats an microwave