Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest Stamps?

They had pictures of lawyers on them and people couldn’t figure out which side to spit on.

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office.

Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“I’m a chiropractor, and I’m just keeping in practice while I’m waiting in line.”

“Well, I’m a lawyer, but you don’t see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?”

A man walks into a bar and he’s really pissed. The bartender gives him a drink and asks what the problem is. All he says is, “All lawyers are assholes.” A man sitting in the corner shouts, “I take offense to that!”

The pissed-off guy asks him, “Why? Are you a lawyer?”

He replies, “No, I’m an asshole.”