Two kids are talking to each other. First says, I’m really worried. My dad works twelve hours a day to give me a nice home and good food, My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I’m worried sick!
The other kid says, What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like you’ve got it made!
The first kid says, What if they try to escape?
A third grader went home and told her mother she was in love with a classmate and was going to marry him.
That’s fine said her mother, Does he have a job?
The little girl replied, Oh, yes. He erases the black board in our class.
A substitute teacher walks into the classroom on the blackboard she sees a message. It says, Jimmii Poole, has got the biggest tool, in the whole damn class
She yells, Who the hell is Jimmy Poole?
This kid in the back stands up and says, I’m Jimmy Poole.
Well, Jimmii, your staying after school!
Next day when the teacher walks in, she looks up at the blackboard where written, Pays to Advertise
On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?
The kid says, Yeah.
The cop says, Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail light on that bike. The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $10 bicycle safety violation ticket.
The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, By the way, that’s a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?
Humoring the kid, the cop says, Yeah, he sure did.
The kid says, Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top.
An old couple go to the doctor. The old man goes first to have his physical. When the doctor is done with him, he sends the old man back into the waiting room and calls the old woman in.
The doctor tells her, Before we proceed with the examination, I would like to talk to you about your husband first.
The old woman says, Oh, no, it’s his heart. I told him to lay off the eggs.
The doctor says, Well, I asked your husband how he is feeling and he told me he felt great. He said that when he got up to go to the bathroom, he opened the door and a genie turned the light on for him. When he was done, he would shut the door and the genie would turn the light out for him.
The old woman responded, Damn it, he’s peeing in the fridge again!
