Haha Joking! » Kids Jokes

Mom & Dad

joker — Sat, 24 Jan 2009 03:50:38 +0000

Two kids are talking to each other. First says, I’m really worried. My dad works twelve hours a day to give me a nice home and good food, My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I’m worried sick!

The other kid says, What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like you’ve got it made!

The first kid says, What if they try to escape?

Job

joker — Sat, 24 Jan 2009 03:50:38 +0000

A third grader went home and told her mother she was in love with a classmate and was going to marry him.

That’s fine said her mother, Does he have a job?

The little girl replied, Oh, yes. He erases the black board in our class.

Class Advertisement

joker — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 20:59:26 +0000

A substitute teacher walks into the classroom on the blackboard she sees a message. It says, Jimmii Poole, has got the biggest tool, in the whole damn class

She yells, Who the hell is Jimmy Poole?

This kid in the back stands up and says, I’m Jimmy Poole.

Well, Jimmii, your staying after school!

Next day when the teacher walks in, she looks up at the blackboard where written, Pays to Advertise

Kid and the Cop

joker — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 20:59:26 +0000

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?

The kid says, Yeah.

The cop says, Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail light on that bike. The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $10 bicycle safety violation ticket.

The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, By the way, that’s a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?

Humoring the kid, the cop says, Yeah, he sure did.

The kid says, Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top.

Old couple & doctor

joker — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 11:31:41 +0000

An old couple go to the doctor. The old man goes first to have his physical. When the doctor is done with him, he sends the old man back into the waiting room and calls the old woman in.

The doctor tells her, Before we proceed with the examination, I would like to talk to you about your husband first.

The old woman says, Oh, no, it’s his heart. I told him to lay off the eggs.

The doctor says, Well, I asked your husband how he is feeling and he told me he felt great. He said that when he got up to go to the bathroom, he opened the door and a genie turned the light on for him. When he was done, he would shut the door and the genie would turn the light out for him.

The old woman responded, Damn it, he’s peeing in the fridge again!

Adoptions

joker — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 09:20:26 +0000

Teacher Debbie Moon’s first graders were discussing a picture of a family.

One little boy in the picture had a different color hair than the other family members. One child suggested that he was adopted and a little girl named Jocelynn Jay said, I know all about adoptions because I was adopted.

What does it mean to be adopted? asked another child.

It means, said Jocelynn, that you grew in your mommy’s heart instead of her tummy.

Pot of gold

joker — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 12:10:25 +0000

Q: A smart blonde, a talking donkey, a jumping elephant, and a flying dog are each sitting in a corner of a room, with a pot of gold in the middle, which one gets to the gold first?

A: None, because none of them exist.

Fish 1 & Fish 2

joker — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 09:19:23 +0000

A man goes into a pet store and buys 2 fish, He names them 1 and 2.

His friend asks him why did you call them 1 and 2?

He says, Well if 1 dies I’ve still got 2 left.

Late for school?

joker — Sat, 03 Jan 2009 05:51:40 +0000

Teacher: why are you always late for school?

Tomy: because you always ring the bell before I get here!

Yahoo!

joker — Sat, 03 Jan 2009 05:50:00 +0000

Teacher: Class, we will have only half days school this morning.

Class: Yahoo!

Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon