Tony: Would you punish me for something i didn’t do?

Teacher: No, of course not.

Tony: Good, because i didn’t do my homework.

What’s the best thing to give your parents for Christmas?

A list of everything you want!

The math teacher saw that little Tony wasn’t paying attention in class. She called on him and said, “Tony! what are 3, 7, 24 and 36?”

Little Tony quickly replied, “NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!”

A student taking a philosophy class had a single question on his final: What is courage?

The student wrote: “This”, signed it, and turned it in.

A man walks into a pub and sits down next to a man with a dog at his feet. “Does your dog bite?”

“No.”

A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg.

“I thought you said your dog didn’t bite!” the man says indignantly.

“That’s not my dog.”