Whats dumb? Instructions on toilet paper.

Whats dumber than that? reading them.

Whats even dumber? Reading them and learning something.

Dumbest of all? Reading them and having to correct something you’ve been doing wrong.

The math teacher saw that little Tony wasn’t paying attention in class. She called on him and said, “Tony! what are 3, 7, 24 and 36?”

Little Tony quickly replied, “NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!”

A student taking a philosophy class had a single question on his final: What is courage?

The student wrote: “This”, signed it, and turned it in.

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. “Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.” The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.

He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: “Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die.” The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.

“Where are you?” the man asked. “Who are you?”

I am your guardian angel, the voice answered.

“Oh yeah?” the man asked. And where the hell were you when I got married?

A man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.

Well he said, I have been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight’s “the” night. We’re having dinner with her parents, and then we’re going out. And I’ve got a feeling I’m gonna get lucky after that. Once she’s had me, she will want me all the time, so you’d better give me the 12 pack. The young man makes his purchase and leaves.

Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over to him and says, “You never told me that you were such a religious person.”

The boy leans over to her and whispers, “You never told me that your father is a pharmacist.”