To surprise her husband, an executive’s wife stopped by his office. She found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.

Without hesitating, he dictated, …and in conclusion, gentlemen, shortage or no shortage, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair.

A man walks into a pub and sits down next to a man with a dog at his feet. “Does your dog bite?”

“No.”

A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg.

“I thought you said your dog didn’t bite!” the man says indignantly.

“That’s not my dog.”

Boy: My problem is that I keep stealing things when I go Christmas shopping. Can you give me something for it!
Doctor: Try this medicine…and if it doesn’t work come back and bring me a new video camera.

A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman Give me six double vodkas. The barman says Wow! you must have had one hell of a day. Yes, I’ve just found out my older brother is gay.

The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, I’ve just found out that my younger brother is gay too!

On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said Jesus! Doesn’t anybody in your family like women?

Yeah, my wife…

QUIZ. What’s a man’s idea of helping with the housework?

ANS. Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.