Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your trousers.

If water was vodka and i was a duck i’d swim to the bottom and never come up but water aint vodka and i aint a duck so pass me the bottle and shut the fuck up!

Q: What does a boss and a diaper have in common?

A: They are always on your ass and usually full of shit.

Why is American beer like making love in a canoe?

Because its fucking close to water.

Wise men never marry because if they marry they become otherwise